There is some South in my Mouth and Air in my Hair!!

I can not believe how HUGE my hair is in this photo!! Don't we look amazing? These are the other fabulous women who will be sharing the stage with the Drunk Drama Queen this winter in Steel Magnolias. The play opens December 1st and runs through Jan 20th (with time off for Christmas and New Years). For ticket info, exact dates and times, please visit Chautauqua Playhouse!

This is my first show with Chautauqua and I am thrilled to be in the company of such talented women! I am either breaking character- laughing my ass off- or close to tears getting caught up in the moment. I am playing Annelle (for you movie addicts- it's the part Darryl Hannah plays-but according to the "Fabulous" Paul Fearn, my director, I am much better in the part than she is- LOL)
We had this photo shoot a few weeks ago, and Bob Delucia teased my hair within an INCH of it's life.. My hair was bigger than Tammy Wynettes! I hope I have time in between scenes to get it this big during the run!
I peed a little when I saw this photo.. I can't stop laughing.. I look so ridiculous yet completely in character!
As much as I miss my RSP family, I am having a BLAST and hope Steel Magnolias won't be my last production at Chautauqua! For those of you who can make it, I hope to see you there!
Smooches,
xoxo
DDQ

Who would have thought there were TWO Hee Haw pavilions????

My dear friend, Jim-the Berserker Librarian, was telling me a story so horrifying that it gave me nightmares. He and I have similar family from hell stories.
We commiserate together.
We usually drink until we can't feel our feet- after several rounds of Alabama Slammers you suddenly don't mind how jacked up your family is anymore.

Well, last week, Sweet Jimbo and I were recalling my wedding from hell in the Hee Haw pavilion story and he proceeded to tell me about a wedding he recently went to that TOPPED my wedding from hell story- HANDS DOWN..
Let him tell you in his own words...

I always thought that *my* relatives were bad. Bluntly rude at times, playfully rude at the other times. But... we're Irish, so it is to be expected. Drunk and rude... but FUN! Sometimes I thought that my relatives put the FUN in dysFUNctional. However my nephew met a young lady last year (the term lady is inappropriate by the way. More on that to come...) and I started seeing that my relatives might be obnoxious and REALLY strange but really not that bad in the scheme of things.
After a year of dating the pair moved in together.
After a month of living together they decided that they would be married in under two weeks.
My sister (my nephews mother) heard about the marriage from her mother-in-law who heard about it from her son who lives in Nevada. My nephew and niece-to-be did not think to tell my sister until three days later. That they would be married in a few days... on a THURSDAY at 5 freaking p.m! They were shocked, astonished, and upset that my sister's family was pissed... the time and day made it so that 95% of my side of the family would not be able to go. And, due to short notice, this might include my sister and brother-in-law. They did get time off from work by pleading "stupid family".
The bride to be WENT OFF on my side of the family in a blog on myspace telling us all to FUCK OFF, and that we were all bastards and bitches. She is a dainty little thing, isn't she? She stated that if we really supported my nephew and her then we would, of course, be there. After all, all of her family would be there.
(ranter's note: my family works, but hers , and I mean every last inbred one of them, DOES NOT WORK. They are all on some kind of government assistance program. So, of course, they have no problems getting time off from work on short notice.
Well the wedding happened. and GAWD it was awful.
The bridesmaids wore, get this, t-shirts and tennis shoes. One of the brides-maids was a relative of the bride. A MALE RELATIVE. In a kilt. Actually he said it was a kilt, but it just looked like a skirt to me. The groomsmen wore t-shirts and jeans. All of which had holes in them. The groom's and bride's attendants marched down the aisle to the tune of Billy Idol's "White Wedding". The father of the bride walked her down the aisle wearing an old dirty flannel shirt and did not even take off his baseball cap. The reception was catered by Little Cesars and a nasty looking Betty Crocker cake. Of course the brides side of the family chain-smoked through the reception. It was held inside the chapel they got married in.
During the reception they played music (of course). The choice of music... well when the bride heard the song they had picked out for the wedding dance "I like my women on the trashy side," she screamed "That's me!!" as she danced around with my nephew. No I am not kidding. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. After the wedding, I overheard a comment from the bride to my nephew about wishing my side of the family was not there. His reply? "But they brought good gifts."
My side of the family went out (without letting the new in-laws know) to get something to drink. Like I said, we are Irish. Plague, death, or horrid in-laws, alcohol really is the solution.

God, how I love Jim. He's my Coosin, my friend, and my partner in crime. If it weren't for the fact that we would probably kill one another with a hatchet-- I would marry that man....

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT

I AM NOT HAPPY.

I JUST LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND FOUND A GREY EYEBROW HAIR....

.....GREY.....

AND DON'T TRY AND GIVE ME THAT "IT'S PROBABLY BLONDE" BULLSHIT.

IT WAS GREY.... AS IN.... I'M OLD, MARTHA-PASS ME THE WALKER AND THE ADULT DIAPERS-GREY!!!!!!

I AM NOT YET 32.

I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT.

IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE DROWNING MYSELF IN THE LADIES ROOM SINK...........

Veteran's Day

I took this photo in Savannah last year, mainly as a present to my father. I took it with a 35 mm camera w/black and white film...It's one of my most favorite photos.....
anyway, that's not the point of this post


Several Years ago, I left a sheet of paper (protected with a sheet protector) at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall in Washington DC. It is now in the Smithsonian with other relics left at the wall.


quote taken from Dear America, Letters Home from Vietnam -

"To those who served,
and those who sacrificed,
To those who wept,
and those who waited,
Because of the Vietnam War "

Love,
The Daughter of a Veteran

Now, THAT's one HELL of a Halloween costume...

Be careful, little guy....
eat too much too quickly and you'll get gas....



(I hope the dipshit that took this stopped taking photos long enough to help this little fella get unstuck)

I feel a breeze......

A buddy of mine asked me to retell this tale.. .


Not too long ago I was running home late from work, and had an appointment right afterwards. I had barely enough time to go home, pee, change my clothes, and run out the door.
I ran through the front door, peeled off my work clothes as I was running to the bedroom.
Changed into a blouse and blazer, put my shoes and socks on.... and ran out the door.
I shut the door behind me....
and stopped suddenly;and said to myself,
"........ pants. Pants would be good here."

I had ran out my front door without any friggen' pants on.
What killed me was that I had actually put socks and shoes on.. and TIED THE LACES on my damn shoes.
My neighbors were REALLY friendly after that incident. I get more Christmas cards from the complex than any other tenant...

There are some days where I shouldn't leave the apartment without a helmet ......

This is how I feel about the WHOOOOLE election thing....

This would be my take on the whole political nonsense as of late...

(image courtesy of Pearls Before Swine)

I didn't even get a lollipop for being a good girl.....

Today my work was offering Flu shots for 20 bucks at our jobsite. Which is pretty cool this year, because I would always forget to go out and get a flu shot....then get the flu and perform my version of the Pea soup scene from the Exorcist-

So today I fill out my form, pay my 20 bucks and stand in line with a bunch of other yahoos that don't mind playing the human pin cushion game.

Did I mention I don't like needles and actually BIT the last nurse who tried to give me a tetanus shot??? ( I was 19 at the time)

My coworker gets to go to the nice Grandma nurse who looks like she's old enough to have given Jesus HIS flu shot- in the manger.... My coworker said it was a piece of cake and didn't even feel it- Lucky bastard.....

I get Nurse RATCHED- who squeezed my shoulder really hard, slapped it and YELLED at me to relax.
,"Listen Nurse Rambo, you do that again, and I'll relax my foot in your ASS" (in my inside voice)- my outside voice just giggled uncomfortably - like when your Grandmother tells you that you should go to church to pick up men and find a husband

Nurse Ratched says, "How come you didn't get a flu shot last year?" as she looks at my form.

"Well, I was probably home sick with the flu." I reply.

"Two years ago, you remember that these shots hurt, right? Well, it's gonna hurt today, bad" she says....

"Where did you learn your bedside manner from, Hannibal Lector?" I ask her.. (again, on the inside) (outside voice- "uh....okay- thanks for the tip")

Then she proceeds to jab me with the needle...only it doesn't work...
she says, "You must be thick skinned" AND JABS ME AGAIN..EVEN HARDER!!
I gasp, and mildly utter a curse word- which got me a dirty bird look from Grandma nurse.....

She then asks me if I spend a lot of time in the sun.
Kiddies, let me tell you a little secret, since you probably can't tell from my photo..but I am just two shades shy of fucking translucent... I ask her-in my outside voice, " uh, honey? Does it LOOK like I go in the sun? Not without a bee keeper suit on"....
She slaps on a band aid and lets me go on my merry way..... rubbing my arm and giving her the evil eye.... which with me is more like - the I really want to be evil-but am more- really pissed off -eye. ....the stinky eye...that's what I give her!

I did get my revenge... she was in the bathroom later on that afternoon....and I saw her coming down the long hall...and pulled an Elaine from Seinfeld move and hid all the toilet paper before she got in there.....

Take that Nurse Ratched, Flu shot BiYatch!