Who would have thought there were TWO Hee Haw pavilions????

My dear friend, Jim-the Berserker Librarian, was telling me a story so horrifying that it gave me nightmares. He and I have similar family from hell stories.
We commiserate together.
We usually drink until we can't feel our feet- after several rounds of Alabama Slammers you suddenly don't mind how jacked up your family is anymore.

Well, last week, Sweet Jimbo and I were recalling my wedding from hell in the Hee Haw pavilion story and he proceeded to tell me about a wedding he recently went to that TOPPED my wedding from hell story- HANDS DOWN..
Let him tell you in his own words...

I always thought that *my* relatives were bad. Bluntly rude at times, playfully rude at the other times. But... we're Irish, so it is to be expected. Drunk and rude... but FUN! Sometimes I thought that my relatives put the FUN in dysFUNctional. However my nephew met a young lady last year (the term lady is inappropriate by the way. More on that to come...) and I started seeing that my relatives might be obnoxious and REALLY strange but really not that bad in the scheme of things.
After a year of dating the pair moved in together.
After a month of living together they decided that they would be married in under two weeks.
My sister (my nephews mother) heard about the marriage from her mother-in-law who heard about it from her son who lives in Nevada. My nephew and niece-to-be did not think to tell my sister until three days later. That they would be married in a few days... on a THURSDAY at 5 freaking p.m! They were shocked, astonished, and upset that my sister's family was pissed... the time and day made it so that 95% of my side of the family would not be able to go. And, due to short notice, this might include my sister and brother-in-law. They did get time off from work by pleading "stupid family".
The bride to be WENT OFF on my side of the family in a blog on myspace telling us all to FUCK OFF, and that we were all bastards and bitches. She is a dainty little thing, isn't she? She stated that if we really supported my nephew and her then we would, of course, be there. After all, all of her family would be there.
(ranter's note: my family works, but hers , and I mean every last inbred one of them, DOES NOT WORK. They are all on some kind of government assistance program. So, of course, they have no problems getting time off from work on short notice.
Well the wedding happened. and GAWD it was awful.
The bridesmaids wore, get this, t-shirts and tennis shoes. One of the brides-maids was a relative of the bride. A MALE RELATIVE. In a kilt. Actually he said it was a kilt, but it just looked like a skirt to me. The groomsmen wore t-shirts and jeans. All of which had holes in them. The groom's and bride's attendants marched down the aisle to the tune of Billy Idol's "White Wedding". The father of the bride walked her down the aisle wearing an old dirty flannel shirt and did not even take off his baseball cap. The reception was catered by Little Cesars and a nasty looking Betty Crocker cake. Of course the brides side of the family chain-smoked through the reception. It was held inside the chapel they got married in.
During the reception they played music (of course). The choice of music... well when the bride heard the song they had picked out for the wedding dance "I like my women on the trashy side," she screamed "That's me!!" as she danced around with my nephew. No I am not kidding. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. After the wedding, I overheard a comment from the bride to my nephew about wishing my side of the family was not there. His reply? "But they brought good gifts."
My side of the family went out (without letting the new in-laws know) to get something to drink. Like I said, we are Irish. Plague, death, or horrid in-laws, alcohol really is the solution.

God, how I love Jim. He's my Coosin, my friend, and my partner in crime. If it weren't for the fact that we would probably kill one another with a hatchet-- I would marry that man....