Dare to be Stupid

It's Amberthyme here. I am honored, if somewhat baffled, to be chosen as a guest blogger for my friend Anne. The other three bloggers,QofD, The Berserker and Jay, are so funny I laugh so hard that my children ask me wierd questions:
"Mommy, why is your leg wet?"
"I spilled."
"Why is your butt wet?"
"I spilled over my shoulder."
"Mommy! Pee goes in the potty!"
My blog is more about me whining and being sappy. So, with the support of the other wonderful bloggers ::hick:: and Anne's "special" cabinet here I go . . .

One fine New Year's Eve my good friend Anne and I decided to get drunk. Not just drunk, pretty much shitfaced. She procured some some oranges spiked with vodka and we debated about the practicality of spiking a watermelon (we decided againgst it. Out of season they were too expensive and we didn't have a large enough pokie thingie to get past the rind anyhow). We took inventory of several different types of alcohol and had profound conversations about their mixability (with each other and other substances), decided on our favorites, and broke out several kinds of fancy glasses from the top shelf of my cabinet. After washing the dust off of them we finally decided to get down to business.
Just then the phone rang.

Newlywed (sort of) Couple: "Hey, wanna come over to our new apartment for New Year's Eve?"

US: Giggle, giggle. "We're planning on getting drunk. Got spiked oranges and everything."

NWCouple: "That's O.K. We're just watching a movie. You guys can come over here and do that."

US: "O.K. Cool."

We packed up the party and drove on over to our friends house.

Over the next several hours we ate oranges, imbibed various vodka oriented mixtures, and watched the movie. While they just watched the movie.

Stephen King's "It" doesn't seem nearly as scary when you're drunk. Especially on the small screen.

Anne: "Dang, Tammy Fay is really caking on the makeup nowadays innt ssshe?

Me: "It's a clown on hemeroids. Um, steroids."

Anne: "No honey, it's a clown on crack. C-R-A-C-K. See when he bends over. Just like a plumber."

Me: "Dude, crack makes plumbers wear makeup? Good thing we're drinking. And not plumbing."
giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, snort.

After the movie was over and the bottles empty we were wayyyyy too sloshed to drive. I believe we invited ourselves to the couch and the floor. Our lovely female friend had turned in to a pumpkin and retired to her bedroom several hours before this point. But we lounged around talking about stuff when Anne decided she had to wear something else to sleep in. Now! Maybe her pants were too tight? Maybe a wild hair was bothering her but she had to wear something else immediately. So we harassed our good friend into getting something for her to wear. He didn't feel comfortable offering his new bride's clothing to another woman so he brought out his bicycle shorts and a big t-shirt. When she was done changing Anne raised her arm pointed her finger to the sky and proclaimed:

Anne: "I have, finally, gotten into his pants. What?! It's not like I was going to any other way!"

Me: "I" giggle, giggle, "am" giggle, giggle, "going" giggle, "to" giggle, giggle, "pee!!" snort. Thunk, thunk, thunk down the hall to the bathroom.

Shortly thereafter we passed out. The next morning we took our empty bottles and said goodbye. We felt a good time was had by all. Unfortunately, we found out through other people that we were mistaken. They thought that we were "stupid drunks". Isn't that an oxymoron? No, I remember, oxymoron is just fun to say. And write. Besides "stupid drunk" is redundant. We did warn them of our nefarious plan. Muahahahahahahah. ::hic:: Stupidity is in the eye of the sober. I used to get really mad thinking about this story. How rude of them to call us stupid . . .yada, yada, yada. Now, I just look back, blend myself one of those sticky girly drinks, and raise my glass.
Dare to be stupid!
Now, pass the vodka.