Breaking News!!

Hey kids, Jay here one last time with some breaking news!

After almost 300 bad dates (see post below) DDQ finally got it right! I just got word that she met the man of her dreams this weekend in the Caribbean. I know it took quite an effort and a long time, but it looks like this is the one. I’m so happy for her.

In fact, DDQ and her new squeeze decided to sneak off for a little alone time yesterday. They had a bit too much to drink though and decided that they should steal a lifeboat and go for a little boat ride together. How romantic huh?

Anyway, her new guy is something else. He’s a little older than her, but he’s so charming and witty and thoughtful. Apparently he’s really popular and loved by lots and lots of people.

I know she wanted to keep this a secret until she got back, but my spies caught of a picture of DDQ and her mystery man just as they were about to steal the lifeboat.

Check it out ‘yall. DDQ and her new Honey Pie...




Well, I guess that I’ve done about all the damage I can do around here. Besides, the liquor cabinet is totally empty. So is the fridge. I did find some canned peaches in the very back of one of the cabinets. Not sure they should have that funny greenish/bluish color to them though. Oh well, what the hell, they seemed to taste okay.

Oh and DDQ .....

Uh ... sorry about that big pile of beer cans on the floor but that’s Queens fault. Well, yeah, I admit that I did drink my fair share most 80% of those beers, but I didn’t make the mess.

See I built this bitchin’ beer can pyramid on the living room floor and was going to leave it for you to see when you got back. Where I’m from we call shit like that “art”.

Anyway, Queen came in Saturday night when I was hanging out watching Barry Bonds tie Hank Aaron’s home run record. Well, being the Queen she starts talking shit, telling me could strike Barry out on 3 pitches. So finally I told her to prove it. So, she takes a medium sized glass from the sink .... oh yeah ... I guess maybe we should have washed the dishes or something too, sorry ‘bout that, I swear Amber said you LOVE washing dishes and to just leave them ... anyway, where was I ... oh yeah ... She gets over on one side of the room and starts doing her Major League Baseball pitcher impression.

She looks in for the sign and of course, being Queen she shakes the guy off. Then she spits .... AND I’M NOT CLEANING THAT UP! ... and then she starts her wind up and lets a fast ball fly right across the room. The ball .. uh ... glass hits the beer can pyramid and the beer cans go flying in all directions. Then Jim yells “STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-RIKE!”. Personally, I thought it was a bit low, but I didn’t want to argue with him.

What a mess!

Of course, some of the cans still had a little “wash back” in them. You know how when you’re drunk and you try to slam what’s left of a beer and some of it dribbles back out of your mouth into the can (and onto your shirt)? Well, some of them had that in them.

I’m sure you can rent a Stanley Steamer and get most of that stuff out. And then maybe spray a little Febreeze around everything will be like new!

So anyway, if you ever need me to help blog sit again just give me a call. I’ll leave the key on the table as soon as I clear off a spot.

Oh yeah ... Welcome Home!!!
J