Damn you, Q1!!

I have sat at my computer for two and a half days and I cannot think of anything to Top Q1's story of our lunch! Grrrrrrr.....

She and I are going to get together soon, and make a video to introduce you to my new friend LOLA- created one day out of boredom and 6 cups of coffee.. see her post to see a picture of LOLA since my work computer is giving me issues with adding a picture here- GRRRRRRR

So since I can't top her hysterical recount of our lunch- I will tell you of the time 7 years ago when she- after a night of dive bar hopping- passed out on my parents lawn.

She had a rough day. I was home for the summer after graduating college. She called me from the bay area where she commuted to work (a two hours drive from our hometown). She had a screaming match with her ex, lost her keys and was waiting for the locksmith to come and re key her car so she could go home(turns out her keys were in her console the whole time). She was in tears. So like any good friend, I told her to get a sitter and she was going to spend the night at my folks and we would get rip roaring drunk out on the town!

Our town was small- so we picked three dive bars and went and had a few drinks at each. The third and last bar was the skankiest hole I have ever seen (and being a dipsomaniac, I've been to quite a lot-lol). This is a bar that opens at 9 am and there is ALWAYS a few people just lined up waiting to get in...

We walk in and I immediately whisper to her- don't touch anything without washing your hands afterward. We find two seats at the bar and order drinks.

Two Rednecks suddenly get their eye on us. One we'll call "Bubba". He wore your typical redneck attire: Red plaid flannel shirt and camouflage hunting hat, belt buckle bigger than his head, cigarette dangling from his mouth, and four days worth o'stubble on his cheeks. His buddy was about two years younger than GOD and kept popping his dentures out and in, out and in (as if this was going to impress us). I call him "Ole Click Click".

They asked us our names and I (thinking quickly) immediately said,

"My name is Julia and this here is my friend, Sally."

There was No way in Hell these losers were going to know our real names. Actually I felt that I was hot shit coming up with Alias so damn quickly- lol

They asked us to play Liars dice. We obliged (as long as they were buying the drinks). About 7 drinks later- consumed rather quickly to avoid conversation with Bubba and Click Click- Bubba turns to me and asks me what I want for breakfast in the morning....

I start laughing out loud... until I realize he's being serious and wants me to come home with him.

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW -SCREAM- EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

I grab "Sally" and we get the hell out of there. We get in the car and drive about a half mile,when Q1 turns to me and says- I'm too tipsy and don't know where we are. I know exactly where we are since it was the old neighborhood where I grew up. I am feeling no pain, but can still drive (I realize now, BIG MISTAKE and am thankful we didn't get into an accident). We pull over and switch seats. I drive home. As we pull up to my parents house, I struggle trying to find the parking break. I turn to ask Q1 where the damn thing is located- only to find that she's no longer in the car. She is on my parents lawn. Ass end up and splayed out. I start yelling at her,

"My parents can NOT come home and find you on the lawn!!"

I somehow manage to get her and me into the house and tucked into bed....

The next day we were supposed to go to my Hee Haws and volunteer at my families Charity Softball Tournament. (I had an uncle who was a pretty damn good ball player- almost went pro- but was diagnosed with a brain tumor and died when I was five. Every year my cousins sponsor a softball tournament in his name and the proceeds go to a Cancer patient and their family)... We went- BUT Q1 SLEPT THE WHOLE DAMN TIME AND I HAD TO HOBNOB WITH MY HEE HAW RELATIVES BY MYSELF.... oh- did I mention she agreed to go with me so I wouldn't have to DO THAT... LOL

So there ya have it. Our Bubba and Click Click story. It's kinda sad that one of the few times I've ever been "hit on" was by Moses and his redneck twin... I guess it kind of scars you for life...