The Sons of Bitches....

So during my blogging absence I was asked to perform in a good friends production of Camelot for another theatre company. This company is a long running amateur theatre company outside of town. The people that run it are very nice and have been friends with the theatre company I serve on as one of the Board of Directors for several years.

The part was a bit part - Morgan Le Fey- but fun. She was wild, outrageous, larger than life. I've studied Celtic Lore for several years and have always been intrigued about this historic character from the Arthurian Legends. I jumped at the chance. It was good for several reasons. I would be helping out some friends, I'd be meeting some really nice new people. It was only one scene in Act II, my director from Steel Magnolias was also in it… it was all good.

I had a lot of fun with the production. I met some awesome people, made a lot of people laugh.. I was given freedom to do anything with my makeup as long as it was loud and fairy like… I glued so much glitter to my face I looked like a disco ball drag queen. In fact- you could have hung a disco ball with a red wig on it and no one would have known the difference! LOL

One Sunday Matinee all hell broke loose.

My role required me to climb a rickety ladder through a trap door onto an 12 foot tall structure overlooking the audience. There was a curtain hiding me (when it was time- there was a light that would burst on and I would "magically appear"). It was all spooky.

I usually started climbing the ladder early- another cast member had to spot me and hold the ladder anytime I went up or down. So this one Sunday I get into my place during the song that's before my scene. I am standing up there in the dark.. When I start to smell something…. Have you ever turned on the heater in the fall and smelled that "burning dust" smell? It kinda smelled like that…

Then I saw smoke hitting the lights.. Not heavy smoke- just wisps of it… I thought- is there a lighting gel on fire? I see a few people in the audience (I could see them, but they couldn't see me just yet) get up and leave coughing…

I then see the person in the lighting booth freaking out and running back and forth. Suddenly the lights come on and there is an announcement-
"Everyone stay calm. You are all perfectly safe- there is a truck parked outside the theatre that is on fire. The Fire Department has taken care of it- but we are going to stop the show for a few minutes."

The cast freaks- some start to change their clothes to go home- other's ran to the far side of the stage to get a glimpse of the fire…

Did anyone remember the sparkly bitch at the top of the platform????
NO.
Those SONS OF BITCHES LEFT ME UP THERE TO BURN. ..
They FORGOT about me!

I didn't want to draw any attention to myself because the audience hadn't quite noticed me up there yet (although I was somewhat visible at this point)- so I tried to flag people down across the stage. I started waiving my arms at people-
One guy in the chorus noticed!
"Oh thank GOD", I thought to myself- and waived both my arms in that HELP ME I AM TRAPPED kind of way..

That asshole smiled and waived back as if I was saying "hello".
He turned around and went on his merry way!
I could have killed him.

After a few minutes we started the show back up, I did my shtick and as soon as I was done I marched into the guys dressing room and yelled at that moron.
"Hey- the next time someone is flailing their arms like this- it means ' rescue me from this ledge before I fall down the trapdoor'- asshole!"

Sheesh.

Overall though- it was a very nice production and the audiences loved the show. We sold out on several performances and I hope to work with a few of those folks again! Provided that I don't have to climb anything to be left up there to burn and waived at by retarded chorus members….
Tee hee!