Another Odd Wedding
What is it with my family and weddings?
Whenever we attend one (unless we're in them) there is ALWAYS a story to tell…
This Sat a son of dear family friends was getting married. I used to baby-sit the kid (which depressed me even more). The bride's parents are loaded and it was really fancy.
Apparently this woman is a PRINCESS - with a capitol "P". I know a wedding is supposed to be about the bride - but this was overkill. Almost the entire wedding party were her family members. The groom was allowed to have his 3 brothers, and one friend.. The rest were her relatives… 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen apiece, 4 flower girls- each with their own usher, 2 bridal attendants, three junior bridesmaids, two candle lighters, 7 dwarfs, a pony, a marching band and a partridge in a pear tree…. Not a female friend in the whole shebang. I heard that she doesn't have any- she gets competitive and pushes them away. She also puts Martha Stewart to shame, apparently.
The first reading was a reading all about how the wife is the most important role in the relationship- A good wife compliments her husband, a good wife- yada yada snore…
Anyway.. I guess during the photo's she took all the ones with her family, then when it came time to take the grooms family photos- she threw a hissy an started crying, " I cannot take ONE more photo"… sob sob sob. So the groom talked to her and calmed her down and she agreed to one group photo with the grooms family..
There were 500 people at this wedding. The reception had two rooms, one with a VIP guest list- and a separate riff raff room for everyone else. The cake, bridal party entrance, toasts, dance floor and video were all in the VIP room. We crashed the VIP room early because we did not want to sit with the riff raff ( we got a tip from the grooms mom).
During the reception the bride only hobnobbed with her families tables. She casually looked over at our table and rolled her eyes and kept on moving-
They also had a video clip of various photos of the bride and groom. Let me rephrase that- the first 15 minutes were of the bride. Then there was a 2 minute clip of the groom. Then 5 minutes of them together.. Then a video of the bridal party getting ready (again 95% bride- 5% groom)… what struck me as odd was that in every picture of her it looked completely empty inside.. She was a beauty queen and you could tell she went to that class that shows you how to smile perfectly while looking completely lobotomized
Oh- I almost forgot.. She wore a Vera Wang-esq gown that I would never be able to afford unless I sold a kidney, spleen, and half a lung-
Well at the end of the night, she was so sweaty and hot that she had to be CUT OUT OF IT!
I behaved myself this time- (all though there was an open bar… )
My brother and father on the other hand got extremely hammered. My brother puked out the car window the whole way home…
And my father kept talking and talking and slurring and talking and talking- at one point he referred to the dog as his "daughter…. And he announced that he wasn't driving because he wanted to become a grandpa" my sister-in-law advised him that now was not the appropriate time to be having the grand kid speech…
but that wasn't the worst of it…….well…
After we all settled in for the night (after cleaning up my brother's mess and pouring him into bed)- I took a shower. Afterwards, I walked into the living room and noticed my dad on the floor sprawled out- staring into space not talking. (He has knee problems and NEVER voluntarily sits on the floor)…For a minute I worried he perhaps had a stroke-
I asked, "Daddy are you okay?"
"NO."
" What's wrong?"
"I'm fucked up!"
"Can you get up?...and why is your chin bleeding?
"I am trying to get up- I fell down and went boom" (He drunkenly slurred)
I ran and got my mother- and she and I spent 15 minutes trying to get my dad into bed- We had some roadblocks…. He was certain his bedroom was in the garage, his pants fell off in the kitchen, Once in bed the room spun so he put his foot down on the floor…
He is NEVER living this one down… My mother told him the next morning that he is cut off from booze until our cruise- and if he " pulls this shit during the cruise, I will push your drunk ass overboard and they will never find your body. Your name will be in the paper and everything…. "
God, I love my family!!!
Whenever we attend one (unless we're in them) there is ALWAYS a story to tell…
This Sat a son of dear family friends was getting married. I used to baby-sit the kid (which depressed me even more). The bride's parents are loaded and it was really fancy.
Apparently this woman is a PRINCESS - with a capitol "P". I know a wedding is supposed to be about the bride - but this was overkill. Almost the entire wedding party were her family members. The groom was allowed to have his 3 brothers, and one friend.. The rest were her relatives… 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen apiece, 4 flower girls- each with their own usher, 2 bridal attendants, three junior bridesmaids, two candle lighters, 7 dwarfs, a pony, a marching band and a partridge in a pear tree…. Not a female friend in the whole shebang. I heard that she doesn't have any- she gets competitive and pushes them away. She also puts Martha Stewart to shame, apparently.
The first reading was a reading all about how the wife is the most important role in the relationship- A good wife compliments her husband, a good wife- yada yada snore…
Anyway.. I guess during the photo's she took all the ones with her family, then when it came time to take the grooms family photos- she threw a hissy an started crying, " I cannot take ONE more photo"… sob sob sob. So the groom talked to her and calmed her down and she agreed to one group photo with the grooms family..
There were 500 people at this wedding. The reception had two rooms, one with a VIP guest list- and a separate riff raff room for everyone else. The cake, bridal party entrance, toasts, dance floor and video were all in the VIP room. We crashed the VIP room early because we did not want to sit with the riff raff ( we got a tip from the grooms mom).
During the reception the bride only hobnobbed with her families tables. She casually looked over at our table and rolled her eyes and kept on moving-
They also had a video clip of various photos of the bride and groom. Let me rephrase that- the first 15 minutes were of the bride. Then there was a 2 minute clip of the groom. Then 5 minutes of them together.. Then a video of the bridal party getting ready (again 95% bride- 5% groom)… what struck me as odd was that in every picture of her it looked completely empty inside.. She was a beauty queen and you could tell she went to that class that shows you how to smile perfectly while looking completely lobotomized
Oh- I almost forgot.. She wore a Vera Wang-esq gown that I would never be able to afford unless I sold a kidney, spleen, and half a lung-
Well at the end of the night, she was so sweaty and hot that she had to be CUT OUT OF IT!
I behaved myself this time- (all though there was an open bar… )
My brother and father on the other hand got extremely hammered. My brother puked out the car window the whole way home…
And my father kept talking and talking and slurring and talking and talking- at one point he referred to the dog as his "daughter…. And he announced that he wasn't driving because he wanted to become a grandpa" my sister-in-law advised him that now was not the appropriate time to be having the grand kid speech…
but that wasn't the worst of it…….well…
After we all settled in for the night (after cleaning up my brother's mess and pouring him into bed)- I took a shower. Afterwards, I walked into the living room and noticed my dad on the floor sprawled out- staring into space not talking. (He has knee problems and NEVER voluntarily sits on the floor)…For a minute I worried he perhaps had a stroke-
I asked, "Daddy are you okay?"
"NO."
" What's wrong?"
"I'm fucked up!"
"Can you get up?...and why is your chin bleeding?
"I am trying to get up- I fell down and went boom" (He drunkenly slurred)
I ran and got my mother- and she and I spent 15 minutes trying to get my dad into bed- We had some roadblocks…. He was certain his bedroom was in the garage, his pants fell off in the kitchen, Once in bed the room spun so he put his foot down on the floor…
He is NEVER living this one down… My mother told him the next morning that he is cut off from booze until our cruise- and if he " pulls this shit during the cruise, I will push your drunk ass overboard and they will never find your body. Your name will be in the paper and everything…. "
God, I love my family!!!
posted by Drunk Drama Queen @ 2:59 PM
7 Comments:
At 3:21 PM,
ByJane said…
Well--wasn't his timing off! I can only imagine what hell he might have wrought AT the wedding.....:)
At 11:40 AM,
Melina said…
A couple of questions is if this bride is the way you say she is, what the hell does the groom see in her and why would he want to marry her? How long do you think the marriage will last? She would've made for a great episode on Bridezilla on TLC (I think that's the station)
So glad you are back. Great story.
At 8:29 AM,
Jay said…
I think your family sounds like a lot more fun than the bride's. Holy crap I hate her fucking guts and I've never met her! LOL
At 10:42 AM,
Cairde said…
OMG, and I thought the bride at the wedding I just went to was a goddam Princess.....goodluck to that poor bastard!
Your family is a riot...better to have a story, as long as it ends ok.
At 8:10 AM,
Dayngr said…
Nuh uh! For real?
At 9:44 AM,
photo_chiq said…
LOL!!! Love this story. I often feel as though I must just grin and bear the spoiled little princesses of the world particualrily on their wedding day. To be completely honest I usually try to bow out of these kinds of events for just this reason. Frankly I truly believe weddings to be a huge waste of everyones time and money.. No one really wants to be there and after all the planning and spending and shopping the bride and groom just want the freaking thing to be over! I say elope! Oh ya one more rant! What is with the damn "gift registries" Feels like shopping for teenagers.. If you come home with anything not on the list you have sulking dissapointed babies. Great blog made me laugh! Thanks
At 6:46 PM,
barista grazioso said…
LOL!! What an awesome post. :) First off, I love your family. They're definitely my kind of people. Bridezilla? Someone should have put a few drops of Visine into her champagne. Gawd what a spoiled little pill.
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