Alcohol Warnings!
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American Beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
posted by Drunk Drama Queen @ 9:40 AM
10 Comments:
At 12:44 PM,
Steven said…
Rug burns on the forhead, huh?
Hmmmm...
I need to work out the logistics here... ;)
Steve~
At 1:09 PM,
Drunk Drama Queen said…
Steve-
Yeah...I've tried to no avail...LOL
Welcome, btw, I am adding your blog to my list of daily reads. Hysterical shit you got there!
At 1:54 PM,
Dan said…
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
That's a GOOD one, isn't it? What am I missing here? :)
At 2:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
LMAO.....you may have forgetten The Consuption of Alcohol causes instant asshole in most cases.....LOL LOL
Hilarious post btw.....love the ''wondering what the hell happened to your bra'' AND ''may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary'' chuckle chuckle....ROTFLMFFAO
At 7:47 PM,
Jay said…
It really would have been nice to have those warnings back before I went to college.
At 5:53 PM,
Sassy said…
haha, love it
Its all true too haha
At 1:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
NOW they come out with these warnings...if only I had known sooner, it would have saved me some embarrassing situations.
At 11:35 AM,
Anonymous said…
Rug burns on forehead.
1. Kneel down.
2. place forearms on the floor.
3. Place head on the floor.
4. Butt in the air.
Anyone behind you?
At 1:58 PM,
Erica Ann Putis said…
Haha... That's so funny and I love drinking!!! I can't wait to feel stronger and faster!
At 1:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
love the list but hate the fact that the word retard is used so casually these days. As a mother of a "retard" I find it rather offensive. What happened to the word idiot? My son has more sense than most "retards".
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