Who puts the Drama in Drama Queen..

For those who might not know me. I am very involved with community theatre. (Hence part of my blog title) I have been acting for almost 16 years now. For the past three years I have been involved with Runaway Stage Productions at the 24th street theatre. Currently I am involved with two productions. (I should have titled my blog Drunk Theatre Whore.. but it didn't roll off the tongue as easily as DDQ) I am the Assistant Director on the production of The Full Monty (image on top- don't they look HAWT!) that opens Sept 1st. I am also acting in the Storybook production of Emperor's New Clothes( bottom image..how cute are WE?!) that opens Sept 9th. (a little something for everyone! )Please check Runaway's website for further info on times, dates, and ticket info. They are both excellent shows. Runaway Stage has some of the most talented cast's and they really produce high quality work for the Sacramento community! Great fun !! I am so proud to be involved with RSP and the quality work that they do! See you at the theatre!

Move your ASS

This weekend was a busy one. I actually thought that I wouldn't have anything to post. Ooooooh, I was sooooooo wrong!

Saturday morning, Ashley (my sista' from another mista') and I went to the State Fair. For the most part, we had a nice time. We had a LOT of wine, rode the monorail, saw baby animals, ate fried veggies-all in all- a great day at the fair.

What was uncool were all the socially retarded folk that simply do not know how to walk in a public arena setting. I would like to take a few moments to address these douchenozzles in an open letter.


Dear Fuckwad,

Here is some advice for you. When walking through a public venue where there may be a lot of people (Fairs, malls, concerts, sporting events, Costco) and you would like to stop and chat with the people you came with to discuss a meal you ate three GODDAMN YEARS AGO that no one cares about but they simply must try....... MOVE THE FUCK OVER TO YOUR RIGHT. Don't just stand there in the middle of traffic and get pissed at me when I ask you to "excuse me". And just because you have a stroller, does not give you cart blanche to run over my big toe, snapping it in half, and causing me to scream out a list of vulgarities (that would give a tourette's patient a good giggle )in front of your seven year old. Pay Goddamn attention to where the fuck you are and where the fuck other people are. MOVE YOUR ASS!
sincerely,
DDQ

I cannot tell you the number of times where Ashley and I thought that perhaps we may have turned invisible and that is why these inbred retarded asswipes do not know how to MOVE their Krispy Creme Fried chicken and cheese sandwhich eating asses. (Yes, my dears, that is the new "Hot Item" on this years State Fair Menu---Gag--)

And that's how I feel about that.

Master Yoda- How do I become a Jedi?

I can't believe what a pussy I am.
I took a chance and emailed a request to Danny Evans, who, in my opinion, is one of the most hysterical bloggers around. I cannot get through the day without checking out his blog at www.dadgonemad.com . I even bought a "Dad Gone Mad" T-shirt!
In my email (I sounded like a prepubescent acne prone squealer asking Haley Joel Osment to sign her bus pass) I asked him if he would mind if I linked his site on my spankin' new blog. Not only did he take the time to respond, he gave me some great advice. So I just wanted to give him a shout out for not only having one of THE most entertaining blogs out there, but for being kind enough to respond to a semi retarded newbie.
Thanks DGM.
Hugs and stuff,
DDQ

With friends like these.......

Me and my two dearest Friends(Greg and Wade) at Wade's Birthday Roast 2004

I have to get this OFF my chest

This was originally written in November 2003.....

Can someone please tell me why the Hellidays (oops- I mean the Holidays) make people absolutely RETARDED when it comes to going to Safeway???? I go to safeway on Alhambra last night after work.I should have known since it took me F-in FOREVER to Freakin' PARK.. .that I should have just turned around and gone home. But Nooooo. Something in me NEEDED to hobnob with every circus freak, white trash, Autistic, bimbo who, for some reason, thought that last night was the ONLY night they could shop before Thanksgiving,
There was one woman who stopped dead in her tracks and screamed and ran to the center of the aisle to grab 8 CANS OF CANNED PUMPKIN like there is a shortage,as if in two minutes.. PIE BAKERS FROM ALL OVER THE FUCKING NATION WERE GOING TO RAID THAT PARTICULAR SAFEWAY AND SUDDENLY RID THE STORE OF CANNED PUMPKIN!
That is the point where I started my way over to the liquor aisle..
The highlight of my evening was trying to get out of the parking lot.. Walking to my truck I see these two lesbians.. I am sorry.. I shouldn't judge them let me rephrase-.. These two mullet headed, flannel shirt wearing,truck driving, fat tattooed bitches were unloading four bags of groceries..and their cart was right behind my truck. I make sure they see me - get in my truck- and patiently wait for them to move their cart.
Do they??
HELL NO! It takes them 5 minutes to unload FOUR FUCKING BAGS OF JUNK FOOD AND BEER
And then the more autistic of the two looks at me and acts "surprised" like OH- I GUESS YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW THAT WE ARE DONE???
AND I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY IT TAKES THIS COW 10 MINUTES TO MOVE THE DAMN GROCERY CART TO THE OTHER SIDE OF MY TRUCK..
She doesn't even put it away.. Just moves it to the other side and SHE COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE DAMN CART GO. I have seen trained GERBILS do a better job!!
And if that wasn't bad enough.. Everyone that was trying to leave or park.. Thought that they could just go wherever they wanted to whenever they wanted to
Three cars were all trying to go to the same spot all traveling in DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS!
YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I HAD AN ANEURYSM BY THE TIME I GOT OUT OF THERE.. Holy Mother of GOD
Okay.. Stepping off my soapbox now.. End of rant.

Originally written March of 2004

This event occurred in 2004-
Lemme fill you in on a fun filled Saturday I spent in San Francisco this weekend. BACKGROUND
My two dear friends Shaleen and Steele and I , along with Shaleens mom Sharon- went to go see Mama Mia in San Francisco. What a wonderful show. I left my apartment at 9:30 am and went to meet Shaleen. It took us a while to get on the road- but we left at 11:00 and were on our way to the Richmond BART station. Shaleen borrowed Greg's car because we didn't want any car drama (her car has been acting funky- this will be very important later on in the story). With one minor re-route (Shaleen wasn't aware that the Richmond station was off of 80- she thought the Pittsburgh BART was what I was talking about) we were in the city and met Steele and went to the show.
-Show was FABULOUS- had a great time! Due to some great coworkers of Steeles our seats were upgraded to Orchestra and we sat behind a 60 year old woman with a very interesting hair do... a cross between a Cockatoo and a chia pet.
HERE IS WHERE THE STORY BEGINS
We leave the theatre after the show and immediately walk into a RIOT. That big protest you read about and saw in the news this weekend?? Yep- yours truly was SMACK down in the middle of it- there were police with riot gear- thousands of them. So we quickly leave that mess and head to the Tonga room at the Fairmont (??) hotel for a drink. When we get the bill we freaked because we thought that they charged us 4 dollars for (what we thought were complimentary) mixed nuts on the table. Turns out we weren't reading the bill correctly- so we left. On the way out Shaleen and Sharon were in the ladies room and Steele and I were window shopping at the gift shop and froo-froo stores at the hotel. I made him smell my hands because the soap in the bathroom smelled nice.. He did and agreed- and said that the men's soap didn't .. So I smelled his hand.. Then we got goofy - at least we're not dogs.. Or we'd be smelling each other's butts.. WE STARTED TO PANTOMIME THAT IDEA- we turned around and the guy in the store was staring at us THROUGH THE WINDOW... I wonder what the hell he thought when he saw us sniffing each other!
Okay- back to the story- we leave the hotel.. And head to dinner . We eat at this great Burmese/Chinese food place where our waiter was wearing a tablecloth as a skirt- we were that nights entertainment.. We had these laughing fits and had a great time. We leave that place and go to catch a drink at the Gold Dust Lounge. An old Bordello that is now a bar- we couldn't find a place to sit- and leave..
Then we FIND A DEAD BODY.
In the middle of the sidewalk there was an over tipped wheel chair with a body covered in a blanket on it laying on the sidewalk not moving. And we didn't want to stay and check so we called 911 and reported it- then went to the top of the Marriott to have another drink. We finally got back to the Powell street Bart station at 11:00 pm to finally realize that the last train to Richmond from there left at 7:00 pm. After having to scrape Shaleen off of the ceiling- we caught the train to Pittsburgh and transferred at 12th street. Made it safely to the car at midnight and headed home.
Right after Vacaville OUR TIRE EXPLODED AND CAUGHT ON FIRE.
Yes.. The tire severely blew- separated from the rim and caught on fire.(and we took Gregs car so we won't have car trouble) We called AAA and waited for the truck to come. I really had to pee at this point so I had to PEE BEHIND A ABANDONED OLDSMOBILE. We get the spare donut on and fill the rest of the tires up.. And head home... going 45 miles an hour.
We finally get to Sacramento where I realized all this time I had a hole in the crotch of my pants... Which sent Shaleen and I into fits of delirium. We pull into the parking lot of her apartment. She has to pee really bad- and the sprinkler had malfunctions and there was a 6 foot geyser covering the sidewalk to get to the apartment. I hear Shaleen scream.. I have to pee and Mt Vesuvius is blocking my way...
TO END THIS TALE,
I got home at 4:00 am... To sum it up- on Sat I-
Saw Mama Mia
Walked into a Riot
Saw a dead body
Had our Car tire EXPLODE AND CATCH ON FIRE
Peed behind an abandoned Oldsmobile
Had a hole in the crotch of my pants and didn't know
I am never leaving my bed again