DRUNK DRAMA QUEEN SETS SAIL!

Well as many of you know, DDQ asked several people to be “guest-bloggers” during her absence. Myself, Amberthyme, Queen of Dysfuntion, and Jay, the Cynical Bastard.

So, please, let me introduce myself. I’m the Berserker Librarian, one of DDQ’s friends, and kind of an adopted family member, sort of like a “Coosin” which is similar to a cousin, but much more strange.

Drunk Drama Queen asked us to start Friday, so that she could see something before she left. Since it is getting close to midnight on Friday and no one has posted as of yet, I figured I would post a goodbye letter to her, and wish her well. I hope I am not stepping on anyone’s toes…

Drunk Drama Queen, where would we be without you? As your readers will soon discover, you are a woman of many faces. I know that we are all looking forward to sharing our favorite Drunk Drama Queen stories with everyone!

I hope you have a wonderful trip. And, as I told you before, if you meet a great looking guy on the ship, and he is single, and seems perfect for you… he’s gay. Or psychotic. I’m just sayin’!

As you go off on your voyage… I just want to let you know… I will miss ya. I hope you have a great time… and I am jealous as hell that I am stuck in Hellsville, California, while you are having a great vacation!!!

For those of you who are curious as to what DDQ is like in real life. God is she a sarcastic, vindictive, (yet sweet) witch!

In short she is my hero.

Drunk Drama Queen is one of those people who is wonderful to be around… and a total hoot to watch when she goes off on someone! Though, I have to admit, Drunk Drama Queen does sense when she is about to go off, and usually takes steps to prevent serious bodily damage to others… usually.

A few years back, DDQ and I were out miniature golfing with a friend of ours… lets call him Al. Unfortunately Al’s wife was working and could not make it. Which was a shame, because his wife is an awesome person, and a very good friend of mine as well as DDQ’s.. but I digress.

However, two of Al’s “friends” (read idiots who should be sterilized) did. They managed to track us down, and followed us all around the golf course. Lets call them, Josh and Alyssa. By the end of the evening, I realized Josh was pretty much brain dead, and Alyssa barely escaped bodily injury.

It turns out Alyssa knew DDQ in High School. Or, I should say knew of her. DDQ had no clue who this girl was, though the way Alyssa was talking, it made it sound like she and DDQ were almost conjoined lesbian twins or something.

As we are playing, and both Drunk Drama Queen and I are _very_ competitive, Alyssa starts twirling in some kind of retard dance on the golf course, and kicks DDQ’s golf ball away every time it neared the hole. Then she would giggle, like it was so cute. During this, her boyfriend, Josh, kept egging Alyssa on… and DDQ’s face was turning red. I think Josh thought this was funny.

Alyssa then came over and started trying to tickle DDQ as she retard-danced by us. The next thing I know I have claws thrust into my arm. DDQ’s claws. She started growling, like mama-bear who just found out that Goldilocks had just spit in her porridge. “Take my club. Take my fucking golf club."

I have to admit, I was a bit slow on the uptake. I grabbed the club just as DDQ started to use it to brain the annoying insect known as Alyssa. The club actually started swinging through the air before I caught it. DDQ turned and started dragging me away.. Fingernails still sunk into my arm.

I’m not kidding. She drew blood. DDQ apologized later for the damage.

We managed to leave, while I was trying to calm DDQ down, and DDQ was quietly telling me “I don’t want to kill her, really I don’t. I just want her unconscious.”

Soon after that, DDQ had me ordained by the Univeral Life Church... as a Christmas present. While I know she _says_ that she just wanted to give me something unusual, I am pretty sure she only had me ordained so I could try and get Alyssa damned for eternity. That is the kind of person DDQ is... she looks at the long road and the sees big picture.

I have to admit, that one of my favorite DDQ lines is…. “I don’t want to kill her, really I don’t. I just want her unconscious.”

Does anyone else out there have some fun, memorable, or just plain _wrong_ DDQ quotes they would like to share?

DDQ.. Have a good trip. Your blog is in great hands. Just have fun, be safe, get drunk… I know you will be around family, so drinking is mandatory, not an option… and take lots of pictures!