Before my Godson was born...

Check out Amber's blog and read of a time where I convinced an entire Beer Bus that Amber was an unfit mother who was going to give her unborn child Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. (It really wasn't the case- she just needed an air conditioned seat while I got to drink booze) but we still enjoyed the dirty looks from people…
I told her to put the certificate she got afterwards in Therin's baby book..

As I remember the tale. We were at the County Fair early to catch Huey Lewis and the News ( He puts on a really good show. He's playing at the State Fair Again this year, I believe- I will have to go check that out). For some reason I didn't feel like embracing my redneck roots and wasn't up for hobnobbing with the Monster Truck folk.. So we walked around the fair seeing Darwin's model of evolution play out right in front of our very eyes. Like Bill Engvall has said, "I saw people there that could be their own DAD".

It was so hot that birds were falling from the sky fully cooked. Amber was very close to her due date and I was certain that she was going to "pop" at any minute. Every time she groaned or adjusted her position I screamed, "Is it TIME??". Her husband said I was more nervous than HE was! I was so amazed on how calm she was. She never complained. In that heat, being that preggers- I would have been a complete DIVA.

Finally I saw relief to that summer heat. I didn't see the whole title of the bus..
I just saw "BEER BUS".
It mentioned beer tasting! I suddenly heard a choir of angles sing "Hallelujah".`
I looked at Amber- gave her a wink.
Then I asked the guy out front
"Is it Air Conditioned in there?"
He said, "Yes mam, it is. But you have to sign this clipboard- everyone is allowed one visit only"
I looked back at Amber.
"It's a chance for you to cool off and rest your feet"
She hesitated
"But Anne, it's a BUDWEISER bus… you said Budweiser is the devil"
"I know.. But it's hot and at this point I'm not picky- it's free booze for me..a cool down for you…and think of the looks you'll get! You can put the certificate in the baby book! …. Sadly from the looks of the crowd, I bet you're not the only pregnant lady that's been in here today- but I bet you're the first responsible one that won't drink!"…

Her eyes sparkled at the thought of causing trouble.. She got a mischievous grin on her face.
"Let's do it- what the hell"

We walk in- we were some of the last people to come in. Just to be a real shit, I picked seats right in the middle where we would have to walk by people. Some gave looks, some gave her high fives!
One lady gasped and said, "I can't believe SHE would be in HERE!" - real snotty like.

I piped up, " What? Haven't you seen a knocked up woman drink before? Relax Lady, Sheesh!"

We sat and listened to some guy tell us how beer was made. Then it was time for the taste testing. They passed around 6 or 7 trays will little itty bitty cups… like the kind you make Jello Shots with… it maybe held two little sips of beer at the MOST.

I whispered to Amber-
"You're doctor told you you could have a taste of alcohol and it wouldn't hurt the baby right?"

She looked at me, "What in the hell are you planning, my dear?"

I said, "How adventurous are you?"

"Oh dear God- you're going to get us kicked out of here aren't you"

"No, the beer guy is watching us..he can see us…but the people behind us can't. If I take my sample- but leave two drops in it.. Enough for you to get your taste buds remembering what booze tastes like, you can knock it back and make it look like you're chugging it"

The beer guy overheard us and burst out laughing. He advised us we better not-lest a revolt. So Amber did take a sip to refresh her taste buds and we both got our certificates. I lost mine years ago. I had almost forgotten about that story until her post mentioned it..

The whole time she was pregnant with my Godson, I would talk into her tummy right to him. We didn't know he was a "He" yet- so I would just scream,
"HI BABY- THIS IS YOUR GODMOTHER- I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU"

I would always yell into her stomach. Most of the time to embarrass her….because I would scream it at the top of my lungs.....
Things like:
"I love you"
"Your mommy's a whore"
"Daddy isn't hurting Mommy- they are just doing some 'Naked Wrestling'"
.....Stuff like that.

A few days after the concert- actually a few days before my Godson was born. We were cleaning out their old apartment and we were all on the floor taking a dinner break. Amber stood up (after a struggle), and her preggers tummy was right in my face so I took this as an open invitation for me to yell at the baby.

I yelled. "HI BAB……." and immediately started to laugh.

Amber just looked down at me, and said,
"You just realized you're screaming into my crotch-didn't you"

"yep" was all I could muster in between giggle fits.

That was the last time I got to yell into her tummy. My Godson was born a short time later, and I was living out of town when she was carrying her other two children.

It's funny the things you remember……