Cruising Along ....
Hello kids! Jay from Cynical_Bastard here.
This is, believe it or not, my first EVER guest post, anywhere.
I know it’s hard to believe, givenmy brilliance and popularity willingness to whore myself out to anybody, anywhere, anytime. Anyway, I know DDQ is counting on me so I promise to apply the same lack of commitment, low standards and complete lack of discretion to this blog as I do to my own. I hope I don’t let her down.
Unlike the Queen of Dysfunction, The Berserker Librarian and AmberThyme, I don’t have any great DDQ stories to tell. Well, there was that one trip to Nuevo Laredo, but since there is no statute of limitations on civil actions, and since we don’t want to embarrass America anymore than we already have, I can’t talk about that.
Honestly, if the donkey had lived I don’t think there would have been a problem. Also, I know many of the people of Nuevo Laredo are poor and all, and probably don't have cable, but I’m still amazed that they actually believed DDQ when she told the locals that our names were Jerry and Elaine. That was some fast thinking!
On a positive note, we left Mexico with a whole new respect for little people.
--
Anyway, I have a couple of updates from DDQ’s trip so far. She’s been having a great time but all the alcohol has led to a few embarrassing situations....
1. Upon landing in Puerto Rico and running into a female worker at the airport she said “Hey J-Lo, what’s happening? Shake that ass baby!”
2. She then embarrassed her whole family by shouting “Doesn’t anyone speak American around here?”
3. As soon as she got on the cruise ship she asked the female greeter “Are you Julie? Where’s Isaac and which bar is tending? I need a drink.”
4. After getting to her cabin DDQ read the instructions for the emergency exercise and decided she should take this very seriously and approach it as if it was a real emergency. So, when the alarm went off she took off down the hallway in her skivvies pushing old people and little kids out of the way while screaming “OH MY GOD!!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!”
Once she got to the designated spot she grabbed two kids and told them they were going with her and not their parents. When they asked why she said “Cause I need something to throw out of the lifeboat to the sharks to keep them happy.”
Anyway, she seems to be settled in now and has found out where each bar is located so she feels much better. She even sent a couple of pictures from her first deep sea fishing excursion....
This is, believe it or not, my first EVER guest post, anywhere.
I know it’s hard to believe, given
Unlike the Queen of Dysfunction, The Berserker Librarian and AmberThyme, I don’t have any great DDQ stories to tell. Well, there was that one trip to Nuevo Laredo, but since there is no statute of limitations on civil actions, and since we don’t want to embarrass America anymore than we already have, I can’t talk about that.
Honestly, if the donkey had lived I don’t think there would have been a problem. Also, I know many of the people of Nuevo Laredo are poor and all, and probably don't have cable, but I’m still amazed that they actually believed DDQ when she told the locals that our names were Jerry and Elaine. That was some fast thinking!
On a positive note, we left Mexico with a whole new respect for little people.
--
Anyway, I have a couple of updates from DDQ’s trip so far. She’s been having a great time but all the alcohol has led to a few embarrassing situations....
1. Upon landing in Puerto Rico and running into a female worker at the airport she said “Hey J-Lo, what’s happening? Shake that ass baby!”
2. She then embarrassed her whole family by shouting “Doesn’t anyone speak American around here?”
3. As soon as she got on the cruise ship she asked the female greeter “Are you Julie? Where’s Isaac and which bar is tending? I need a drink.”
4. After getting to her cabin DDQ read the instructions for the emergency exercise and decided she should take this very seriously and approach it as if it was a real emergency. So, when the alarm went off she took off down the hallway in her skivvies pushing old people and little kids out of the way while screaming “OH MY GOD!!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!”
Once she got to the designated spot she grabbed two kids and told them they were going with her and not their parents. When they asked why she said “Cause I need something to throw out of the lifeboat to the sharks to keep them happy.”
Anyway, she seems to be settled in now and has found out where each bar is located so she feels much better. She even sent a couple of pictures from her first deep sea fishing excursion....
posted by Drunk Drama Queen @ 6:46 AM
6 Comments:
At 7:32 AM,
Jay said…
Am I the worst photoshopper ever or what? LOL
At 7:33 AM,
The Berserker Librarian said…
Well DDQ's vacation sounds like another shining moment for America's reputation!
I would have a hard time believing she was asking for Isaac, but, well, I do know her.
Hysterical post Jay!
At 3:25 PM,
Malathionman said…
Nice. Does she get to throw the chum?
Do they need a bigger boat?
What kind of scares does she have?
Can you guess how many times I've seen Jaws?
At 8:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
wow. ya know, i know pictures never lie, just like everything in print is always true. DDQ, is a lot bigger then she lets on to be, i mean.. if the ship cabin is 10 feet tall, she's what, 12 or 13 feet? .. who knew? ... what the hell is in that sacremento water?
At 2:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
Nope yer not the worse photcropper. That title is held by yers truly. Wouldnt know how to do it with written insstruction from ya Jay and me can follow yer instructions on all things internet. LOL
Glad she's having such a great time. Are you Julie? Where's Issac, I need a drink. Priceless just priceless.
Great post
At 10:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dude, you have darlin' Annie pegged. That was so accurate as to what she'd say I totally "heard" her voice saying it in my head. I don't know which is scarier really.
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