She's back...

...but not on the job. Hey there everyone, this is Steph of Queen of Dysfunction again.

What? I hear you gasp. Is Annie not back? Has she extended her vacation? Been kidnapped by ganga wielding thugs? Been delayed by an unfortunate flavored condom spill? Sold into white slavery?

The answers to all these questions of course are: Yes, no, she wishes, nope and returned at the customer care counter at the white slave headquarters for a less mouthy model.

Unfortunately for Annie she has a pal like me who likes to test passwords and throw up posts for no apparent reason other than it sounded like a good idea at the time. Oh, and I also might be drunk.

Anyway. Let's direct a little traffic to her site shall we? Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, Barbara Morgan, Tiger Woods, heat wave, drought, humidity, Barack Obama, Rudy Giuliani, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Utah miners, space shuttle Endeavour, home run.

Alright. That's kind of boring. How about this? Britney Spears double penetration, donkey shows, Paris Hilton prison fantasies, midget porn.

Oh, and just for kicks:

Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay.

I'm going to consider this post kinda like pasta. I'll throw it up against the wall and see what sticks. I think I'm going to start taking bets on how long it will take before Annie deletes this post.

OH! But while I'm at it, let's enhance Jay's tags. Ready? Set? Whore the blog!

A postcard to you all!!!

Everyone, this is Drunk Drama Queen, taking time out of my busy social life onboard the Titanic II to tell you all hello, I love you, I miss you, and please, pray for my soul.

First off I want to say that my social life has really picked up since being onboard! Why didn't _anyone_ ever tell me that guys find women who get drunk easily, and pass out quickly, a huge turn on????

This led to a lot of dates!!! That is the good news.

The dates sucked!!! That is the bad news.

For instance:

Bad Date #5: I was romanced by Raoul on the gang-plank going onto the barge.. I mean cruise ship. He said he would call my cabin and ask me for dinner. He didn't.

Bad Date #12: I met Lou about 10 minutes, and twelve margaritas, after I boarded the ship. He said he would call my cabin and ask me to dinner. He did.

Bad Date #28: I liked Brett. Brett likes Isaac (the bartender).

Bad Date #36: Johnny was the love of my life. I wanted him soooo bad. So did Interpol.

Bad Date #53: Reggie said he loved me and wanted to spend time with me. Then he changed his mind.

Bad Date #69: (c'mon you _know_ there had to be a #69) I thought John was the best looking guy I had ever seen. Total turn on like no one before, and no one will ever be able to hold a candle to him in terns of WOW-power. Turns out we have a lot in common, like most of the same aunts and uncles. Why didn't anyone tell me that my cousin had plastic surgery?

Bad Date #84: Spencer wined and dined me... money was not an object. TONS of jewelry (the real stuff- I had it checked). Then I found out he had stolen my ATM card. Looks like I bought myself some nice stuff. At least Spencer had good taste.

Bad Date #148: My dinner date, Hal on the third evening out. He listened to all my boring stories about Steph, and Amber, and Jim, and Jay. Let me yack on and on. I thought he was the strong quiet type. Turns out he had choked on an appetizer about two minutes after I started talking to him. After hearing some of the stories about Steph, Jim, Amber & Jay, the ships doctor ruled it as a suicide.

Bad Date #206: Karl said I was the woman of his dreams. Turns out 'Karl' is short for Karlene, who likes to play dress-up.

But I will find the perfect man... I swear to God I will find him. Then I will scream at him for making me wait!

Loving you always,
DDQ

PS. Remember, marriage *is* the best form of revenge.