Fire, Fire, Fire!!!! Whoooooooooooooooooooooo!

I received this email from a very good friend of mine. He and I live three houses down from one another- but are so busy we never see each other(that is going to change, honey- I promise).

I read this and laughed so hard, I snorted LOUD and scared the hell out of my coworker sitting in the next cube over. I felt this was too good -HAD to post it...
Enjoy....

OMG...my company just had a fire drill. It was soooooo loud and obnoxious. It totally scared me, I spilled my coffee and screamed "SHIT" really really loud. In addition to the mind numbing screech of the siren, there was a 'strobe light' flashing in my eyes. Not only did I burn my crotch with coffee, practically go deaf from the siren, and have a heart attack from the scare...I was almost sent into a seizure from the strobe light!
What a way to go, eh...writhing around on the floor of your employer, convulsing, twitching and clutching at your chest with ungrateful employees you should have fired three months ago stepping on and over your head just for a chance to get out of doing 15 minutes of work.

Anyway, everyone jumps up and is rushing around like crazy Cirque Du Solei people on crack...I was halfway out of the building when someone said, "John-John (the real name has been changed to protect identity of the humiliated), your one of the floor monitors. You are supposed to grab the clipboard with your dept's employee names and take roll in the South side parking lot."
CRAP!!! (The meeting on evacuation procedures was like 8 months ago, how am I supposed to remember every little thing...)

So then I start trekking back up the freakin stairs against all the idiotic sheep hoarding down the stairs, all worried about a fire, (really worried about if they would get caught if they tried to run to Starbucks down the road).

I eventually get the clipboard and work my way to the parking lot....and WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHERE THE SOUTH SIDE OF THE BUILDING IS?!?!? So there I am walking all around the outside of my building (in my little red construction hat, that reads "FLOOR MONITOR" and big red clipboard that reads "FLOOR MONITOR" and big red name tag that reads "FLOOR MONITOR" ) asking strangers from other companies..."do you know where the south side of the building is?" errr, I sound and look like a freakn retard!!! Hello, yeah, I'm the manager of a dept in a multi-million dollar internet website company and I can't even find the PARKING LOT!!!! Finally we get the OK to go back into the building...(leave it to my company to have the ONLY UN-attractive fire fighters in CA come out). whew, glad that ordeal is over.

I really need to get in touch with these fire drill people (whoever these nameless freaks are) and inform that they need to at least wait until people have a cup coffee before blowing out their eardrums and setting off "disco" lights.

To make matters worse, I was just informed by my HR dept. that I forgot about the two temps I have in my dept and I didn't account for them. OHHHH, WELLLLL, DARN....Because of ME, they could burned to death because they are too dumb to flee a burning building.
I have a really strong feeling that I'm may be signed up for the next "CPR/fire safety-Sensitivity" seminar...

I'm done for the day, and it's only 9:00AM.

That's my buddy, folks.. Isn't he precious??