Lemme tell you a little story about a man named Jed...

All righty! Popular demand states that I should tell the Hee Haw story, well I don't have much time this morning, so just let me give you a little background on why I call a certain section of my relatives "The Hee-Haw's".

I call them the Hee Haws because they started a letter writing campain to bring Hee Haw back to the television airwaives...but they couldn't spell Hee-Haw....

They are a group of my kin that are jacked up. Our Christmas dinner is catered by the cooks from Deliverance- the turkey is okay..but the squealing pig is DELICIOUS! Before any family gathering, my mom, dad, brother and sister in law and I go down a few shots of liquor to calm ourselves. You KNOW your family is all wacked out when you have to get liquored up BEFORE you go meet them.

They are selfish, childish, and semi retarded. I have an uncle who wrapped his Christmas presents using DUCT tape instead of scotch tape, that same uncle has NEVER said more than "Hi" to me at any family gathering. To him women are small minded creatures who should only be allowed to breed snot nosed brats. He thinks women are beneath him. And God forbid if any of the family wants to go to school outside the wee podunk town they live in. One of my cousin's wants to go to school a mere 30 miles from town. My uncle now is all in a snit about how that particular individual should be out of the family. And the kicker is, he is a self rightous bible thumper who is all involved in his church about what a fine christian man he is... kiddies, can you say, "Hypo-fucking-crit"?????

I am sure it pisses him off to NO END that my brother and I both went to school far away from there and have actually moved far away. Which I don't care, anyway. I just sit back and sip from my vodka that I have secretly stashed in my purse....

Well, a few years ago, one of my Hee Haw cousins got married. All hell broke loose at the reception and we were almost on COPS..(bad boys,bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you).
Stay tuned for the next post where I'll relay what is now known in my family as the Wedding from Hell...